


Coffee, Notebooks and Messy Library Kisses

by Angel_roadtrip



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Castiel and Dean Winchester Falling in Love, College | University Student Castiel (Supernatural), College | University Student Dean Winchester, Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, High School Student Sam Winchester, Human Castiel (Supernatural), M/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-26 16:00:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21980848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angel_roadtrip/pseuds/Angel_roadtrip
Summary: "Here I am thinking I finally got away from my ex from high school but now his toxic ass is standing in front of me in college. I am Castiel Novak and I officially want to throw myself off a  bridge."Castiel thought he was finally done with high school drama his first year of college but he was wrong. Is he going to have to suffer these first few semesters or will this new coffee boy come to his aid?“Dean Winchester. The name is Dean Winchester.”
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dorothy Baum/Charlie Bradbury, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Gabriel/Kali (Supernatural), John Winchester/Mary Winchester, Michael/Anna Milton
Comments: 5
Kudos: 27





	1. New beginnings?

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fan fiction. So please don’t bully me. Lol I hope ya’ll liked it. I am thinking of a chapter 2 :)

Here I am thinking I finally got away from my ex from high school but now his toxic ass is standing in front of me in college. I am Castiel Novak and I officially want to throw myself off a bridge.  
What are the odds of going to the same college as my ex. None. None at all. It’s a community college and literally 85% of the people I graduated with are here. I was suppose to go to NYU or Johnson and Wales but no I had to fuck up my last two years and had to come to this community college to fix up my grades. The issue of seeing almost everyone I graduated with is none expect my ex. I knew he was a lying little shit (Jokes on me he is taller) but didn’t he say he had plenty of scholarships. So why the hell is he here.  
Then bumping into people from school happened. Everyone is so intoxically fake. I just smile all day until I feel my cheek bones whine in protest.  
\---  
Welcome to College. New beginnings for new bullshit. It is Monday and I have three classes to tackle but at least I have a two hour break in between. College is not as bad as high schooler teachers say. One of my professors was odd. He told us he gave up being a cop to get a Masters in Theology. Man I spent two hours hearing about God. God this, God that. No offense, I respect people's beliefs. But here I am a gay person sitting in a class for Writing 101 with a teacher who talks about God more than a Jehovah's witness. After that class I was drained but I had to get to my next class. I literally begged that I didn’t get another religious professor or I will cry. I knew the class was about to chaotic once I saw the professor’s name written on the board and his oddly welcoming chester cat smile.  
“Welcome, my fresh berries.” the professor announced. Did this man in a Jesus’s sandals and an orange tie just call us berries? I knew from that moment this professor had chaotic neutral energy.  
“I am professor Spengler. And I will be teaching you mythology and arts.” he threw glitter into the air. Do I need this class? No but it was about to be fun? Yeah.  
\---  
The end of this day finally came into view. I could really use a nap. I miss my dog I think to myself. I go by daydreaming of food until I felt someone tug my arm and I felt myself ready to snap. I had my eyes closed tightly until I felt someone smooch my forehead and giggle. Gabriel.  
“What’s up, frowny?” He smiles brightly. Geez this man can be the fucking sun.  
“I already hate it here.” I sighed. The smile slowly melted into a frown.  
“What fucker did this?” Gabe asked. He asked but he already knew the answer to my dissatisfaction.  
“Micheal. Man just when I thought I was finally rid of him. He apparently comes to this college too. Also he waltz in with his new girlfriend, Ana Milton.” I rambled on. Although Gabe was known for being a complete jokester; he was very serious about what bothered me. I went on explaining how I felt about everyone asking me what happened between Michael and I. Gabe just nodded and frowned. After I finished Gabe gave me a hug.  
“I don’t know dude. He is a piece of shit. But hey the campus is big. You probably won’t see him.” He suggested. It clicked in my head that Gabe was right and so I just let the thought go. I am going to move on. I told myself. Yes I will  
***  
Tuesday:  
Well as huge as the campus was life could not be less of an asshole. There he was in the library. At the bookstore. At the Dunkin’ Donuts. Everywhere I went he was there. I tried my best to ignore him. Because I had a feeling he liked to see me suffering like I suffered during my senior year of high school because of him. Man I hate the guy. Can he go lie somewhere else?I thought to myself.  
I finished my first class and now I had my two hour break. I looked out the windows from the commons. I was waiting for Gabe. It was only 10 in the morning. I was so ready to sleep. I sighed and continued doodling on my notebook.  
“Umm hey? Can I sit here?” Someone asked. I turned to glare at the person who dared ask me that. But hold the fuck up. Wait I got to calm my gay ass down.  
“I mean it’s okay. I can just somewhere else?” His green eyes continued to wait.  
“Um no- wait I mean yes you can sit here. I am umm sorry” I blushed. Holy shit. I am a dumbass.  
“So It’s a yes?” He teased as He pulled the chair out. I just blushed looking the other way. Who was his mama and why is he so damn hot?  
“Dean Winchester. The name is Dean Winchester.” he flashed a pearly smile. 


	2. The start of an unexpected change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh hell no! Why you trying to touch,Cassie,you yeehaw boy?” I see Gabe stand in between us. Dean stepped back confused. I groan. Gabe no….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year! May 2020 be an inspiring year!   
> Thank you for reading my first chapter. I really took my time doing this chapter. I hope you guys like it.

“Dean Winchester. The name is Dean Winchester.” he flashed a pearly smile. I just hummed in acknowledgement. Dean just looked at me and shrugged. He pulled out a notebook and his textbook. Normally I would say wow this shit is awkward and get up. But I just sat there looking out of the window. Damn it was cloudy. Okie I should probably say hi or my name. Please for the sake of your dog at home don’t make yourself look like a fool when you talk to this guy. If you do I swear I am dropping out. I nervously cleared my throat and looked down at his hands. He had pretty hands. The silver band on his middle finger and a black watch on his right wrist. Dean looked up from his notebook.  
“Castiel. Castiel Novak.” I mumbled. I felt my ears tingle red. He nodded and offered me a smile. It became silent and then Dean starts to chuckle. I glared at him to see what he found so funny.  
“Castiel? Where do you get such a name?” He curiously asked making eye contact but there was a hint of a joking tone.  
“My mother gave it to me the day I decided to be part of this unforgiving world.” I responded dramatically smirking at him.  
“Good point,” he laughed and throwing me gun fingers. “But unforgiving world? Nah” He smiled and waved his hand. Sweet mother of god. I have never seen someone do so many facial expressions in ten minutes. I tilted my head a bit and caught glimpses of the blond streaks in his hair. He is pretty. REALLY pretty. His green eyes sparked with excitement and he decided to tilt his head like mine. This completely caught me off guard and I felt the heat spread across my cheeks. I looked down to my notebook and he laughed lightly. We went on without saying a word. I kept rereading “The art of believing in yourself is one of the many colors of one’s soul.”   
\---  
My vision started to blur and I could feel my head rely on my hand for support. I am tired…  
I am dreaming. The only reason why I knew is because this was all too familiar. I have the same dream most nights. Micheal standing there with a smirk of Triumph. I know this means I lost. I lost everything. I did love Michael but I often question why he did to me. All I ever did was give him the love and support he craved so much. This wasn’t a dream this was a memory. It was October 17th. Of course I remember. He made me finally break into pieces. The numbness was growing. I was stuck in the loop. He abused me to the end. His words never change.   
“You should have just ended yourself, Castiel”   
I was crying so helplessly. I was holding myself again because I was afraid if I didn’t hold myself I would fall apart…..   
I felt the small round table move slightly. I jerked up and the first thing that came into view was the empty seat. Great, Dean had left while I drifted off. Man I hate going to sleep. This is why I don’t go to sleep. I sighed in exhaustion. I then turned to my right and Dean was standing right next to me with two cups of coffee in his hands. I jumped up slightly. Shit he fucking scared me. I touched my face just Incase I cried again in my sleep. I put my hand on my chest to calm myself down. He smiled and moved closer. I could smell the scent of leather and vanilla mint rolling off him. Oddly this feels peaceful…..  
“Coffee?” he placed the coffee cup in front of me. I blinked completely confused to why he took the trouble to get me coffee. Well maybe because you fell asleep in front of him, you complete dumbass. Or?   
“Okie… are you trying to kill me?” I half-joked but I carefully inspected the coffee. At this point of my life questioned people actual intentions. He laughed and shook his head frantically. I tilted my head again confused.   
“ Dude, you were drooling. The least I could do is get you a coffee. Your drool was eventually going to make a pool and make its way to my notes. ” he said smiling whilst picking up his things and pushing the chair in. I blushed completely embarrassed. I mean it could be worst. I could have been crying in my sleep. I slightly frowned when I realized he was almost done picking up his stuff. Was he leaving me? Just because I fell asleep. Listen buddy, I work. I am tired. So I deserve some goddamn sleep around here. But I still felt my stomach drop. Did I just get attached to a mere stranger? Way to go Castiel. I don’t know how he sensed my worry. And he pointed at his watch. I squinted. Man blind life is ass. I looked up confused.   
“It’s 12. I have class in about 25 minutes.” I jerked up as he finished his sentence. Did I just sleep and hour? In front of a hot guy! And then it hit me.  
“Holy shit! ”I started to stuff my things in my green bag. I just remembered I had my first therapy session at 12:25. Yeah… Therapy. I was required to take therapy in any college/university I would go to. Due to some past complications….. I got up in a hurry and forgot that my shoelaces weren’t tied beforehand and well I stepped on my shoelace. I yelped. Trying to desperately get a hold of something to stop my great fall. Not only did I fall asleep in front of this guy but I was about to kiss the fucking floor. Truly amazing. I closed my eyes and waited for impact. I never kissed the floor instead I was cradled in someone’s arms. I opened my eyes and Dean’s gentle face came into view. Oh freckles.. They were like the constellations spread out on that pretty face of his.  
“Woah, cool it buddy” Dean said as he set me on my feet. I stood there and felt so embarrassed. MAN this was definitely awkward now. I looked at my empty hand. The coffee cup had landed on the floor. I just stared at it sadly. My coffee ...Well this was disappointing.   
“Well the coffee died more tragically than Romeo.” Dean jokes. I look at him apologetically.  
“Dean I am so sorry,” I felt my voice shakes and I bit my bottom lip harshly. Damn now I feel like an asshole. Dean reaches over to grab my wrist. Suddenly a hand slapped Dean’s hand away.   
“Oh hell no! Why you trying to touch,Cassie,you yeehaw boy?” I see Gabe stand in between us. Dean stepped back confused. I groan. Gabe no….


	3. College Therapy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting a new therapist can be challenging. But Cass has a lot to face today. Everyday it's a new beginning. College is Castiel's Fresh start to becoming an adult in the real world.  
> “I am your therapist, Pamela Barnes” she opened the door sticking out her hand to lead me to the other hallway. Oh thank Jesus… she was just calling me.I got up and walked behind her. It was quiet. Too quiet. I honestly hate having a new therapist. My other therapist was awesome. It's always awkward at first. What if she is like mean or like we don’t click like my other therapist. I frowned at the thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I been gone for awhile. Sorry I needed a mental break from things. I had a lot of things going on and I didn't want to post a chapter without actual meaning. So on the bright side I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Lots of love :)

The tension rose between Gabe and Dean like electricity. The hairs on my arms stood up. Dean's eyes flickered from Gabe to mine. I felt my brows furrow. _What the hell am I supposed to say?_ I reached out to Gabe’s shoulder _Please sweet baby jesus don’t let Gabe do something stupid._ Suddenly I hear laughter rise from Gabe. And Dean cracks a smile. _Huh?_

“What’s up, peach?!” Gabe gives Dean one of his teddy bear hugs. And Dean hugs him back.

“Hiya clown!” Dean's body relaxed. I looked at them utterly confused. _What in the fuck is going on?? Did I just slip on the spilt coffee and lose consciousness or something?_ Gabe turns to me and smiles.

“Oh Cassie! This is Dean! The one I used to work with at frozen yogurt?” Gabe flashed his smile. _Boy, you act like I can remember what I ate last night!_ I glared at him and Gabe shrugged it off.

“Y-you know each other??..”I looked at both of them. And both of them nod. Dean looks at his watch and his pretty lips go in the shape of an O. Dean then lifts his glaze up from his watch to my eyes. I tilted my head then it hit me. He was telling me we are late! “Oh fuck!” I frown. Dean pats Gabe on the shoulder bidding him farewell.

“Castiel, you want me to walk with you... to class?” Dean asks. Gabe smirked. I know what he is thinking. _Not happening. I don’t want him to walk me to my “class”. I lied I don’t have class right now. I have my therapy session. My first one this school year. New therapist and all. I must have stood there for about 1 minute or so because Gabe shoved me slightly. Dean was waiting for my response. I can’t exactly be like hey yeah cool dude! Drop me off at the mental wellness center and know that I am damaged._

I sighed and shook my head no. “Umm thanks it’s okie,” I grimaced “I will be doing a stop by the office” Dean flashed his smile and waved.

“Alright, catch you guys later.” I watched as he walked to the end of the commons hall. The way his bow-legs moved and his dirty blond hair shimmered in the comparison to the dull hallway colors.

“So can you tell me why you declined Dean-o?” Gabe set a tone of disapproval. I turned to look at him and I could tell right off the bat he wasn’t having it with me. _Gabriel has been trying for months to get me to go out and date people. But he has been doing it so I can move on from Micheal. And I suspect that he wants Dean and I to go out. But what he doesn’t understand is I am too damaged. Nobody would want to deal with me…._

“Castiel?” He waited.

“I have therapy not class..” I pouted. Gabe sighed.

“Let me guess. You think Deanie Beanie will be an asshole to you just because you are going to therapy .” I started to walk away. _Not in the mood for this conversation. So avoiding it is._

“Gabe, I am late. Are you going to drop me off or not?” I looked over my shoulder. He threw his arms in the air dramatically.

“I am going. I am going. Next time let Dean drop you off. Maybe an unexpected love interest might burst into action.”He grinned as he walked beside me. I rolled my eyes.

“You are annoying” I retorted laughing.

“I might be annoying but guess what? You love me” Gabe three his arm around my shoulder.

“Let’s go, we are late!” _I avoided saying I love you to Gabe. It gets to his head._

“Say I love you Cassie!”he exclaimed and I started running down the hall.

“No.”

“Yes”

“No!”

\--- Therapy#1:

Well since I am a half an hour late; I have the secretary giving me dirty looks. _If looks could kill, I would have been dead by now._ I looked around the waiting area. _Man these posters sound like fucking hipsters. Lol “give hugs. not drugs”? Who makes these posters? 5 year olds?_

“Castiel Novak” a voice broke my train of thought. I looked up. A woman with dark loose curls and Caramel skin tone stood by the door. She smiled.

“Y-yes?” I gulped. _How did I manage to get in trouble in a waiting area??_

“I am your in-school therapist, Pamela Barnes. Nice to finally meet you, Mr Novak.” she opened the door sticking out her hand to lead me to the other hallway. _Oh thank Jesus… she was just calling me._ I got up and walked behind her _. It was quiet. Too quiet. I honestly hate having a new therapist. My other therapist was awesome. It's always awkward at first. What if she is like mean or like we don’t click like my other therapist._ I frowned at the thought.

“Come on in, Castiel” I cringed hearing my full name. _Damn, you Gabe. You got me use to my nickname._

“So what brings you in today, Castiel” she sat across me. _Her office smelled like vanilla raspberry? Is that even a smell? It is? Maybe a mix? Vaniberry? Raspilla?_

She cough slightly to get my attention. I turned red. _Jesus I am so deep in my thoughts again.._

“You can call me Cass” I looked up.

“Okay, Cass. You can call me Pamela,” She offered a warm smile “so what brings you here?” I shifted on my chair. _Well this is the part I hate._

“Umm, I… I don’t know” I squirmed in my chair.

“Okay. Easier question. How do you feel? This is I believe your,” she looked down at the papers in a file on her desk “ first semester. How are you liking college?” I relaxed slightly.

“Honestly it feels like a high school 2.0. Having to see the same people.” _Michael_ “ and deal with their questions.” _What happened between Micheal and you?_ “It’s exhausting. I just don’t know how to feel besides annoyed and tired.” We went through the whole session with her asking me questions. It was like a normal conversation except at the end my nose was stuffy and my eyes were puffy. . Without even noticing it an hour had passed by.

“Well Cass, that's all we can do today. Do you want to schedule another appointment next week? On Tuesday or Thursday?” She looked from her computer waiting for my response.

“Tuesday is fine” I smiled. She got up from her chair and hugged me. I felt myself go stiff.

“Hey, kiddo? You will be okay.” She squeezed my shoulders and opened the door. I smiled and walked out. _Maybe therapy is not that bad?_ I walked into the quiet hallway and made my way back to the commons. I put my hand in my pocket and felt my car keys. _I love/hate driving at the same time. Why? Well I love driving because you get to places faster. Why do I hate it? I am driving illegally. My dumbass doesn’t have a driver's license. Long story or short when I was dating Michael he convinced me, my junior year in high school that I didn’t need a driver’s license because I had him to drive me around. He would always say it wasn’t necessary for me to have a driver’s license if he had his. Where was I going without him? At the time I thought it was reasonable. I missed my road test and I turned 18 so my high school permit expired._ I sighed as I walked into the entrance of the commons. As I was walking towards Gabe I felt someone watching me. It spiked up my anxiety and I decided to look down on my phone. I finally reached Gabe. He jumped off the stool and hugged me.

“So how was it?” He asked. I shrugged and set down my bag.

“Honestly it was not all that bad.” Gabe nodded and handed me a tissue. He pointed at my nose. _Ahh my boogies were coming out._ I thanked him silently.

“So are we leaving?” I asked as I grabbed my bag. Gabe grabbed his bag as well.

“Well, Cassie. Don’t get mad but I offered Dean-o a ride, but I suddenly remembered I have to go see my professor.” He smirked. _Asshole, I know exactly what he was doing._ I was about to retort when Dean called out Gabriel’s name as he was walking towards us. Before he could reach us I turned slightly towards Gabe.

“You are so dead Gabriel.” I said with a deadpan voice. He stuck out his tongue.

“Yeah yeah,” he waved me off “You will thank me later.” He smiled. Dean reached our table.

“Alright, where to guys?” Dean asked. And suddenly his eyes widened.

“Oh Castiel, I forgot to ask. You don’t mind giving me a ride? My baby can’t today.” He smiled. _Baby? Who the fuck is his baby. Well lucky her. I knew Gabe was trying too hard. The damn guy is straight!_ I sighed in defeat and glared at Gabriel.

“Alright let’s go!” I forced a smile. And Dean waved goodbye at Gabe as we walked to the front entrance. It was quiet. _Fuck where did I park again? Man I always do this… and in front of Dean…._ I looked around feeling my face heat up.

“So I am guessing you don’t know where you parked?” Dean spoke up breaking up my train of thought. When I looked up at him and a teasing smile greeted me. I looked down and laughed.

“Well, yeah. But can you blame this campus is huge.” I retorted. He chuckled.

“Do you remember what parking lot it was in?” I shrugged and walked aimlessly. I was letting my intuition guide me. Dean walked behind me. He was humming an unfamiliar tune but it was relaxing.

Finally, I could see my car and I sighed in relief because I was able to complete this day. An Entire Day. I am proud of myself. And then, I saw him. My stomach dropped. _Micheal._


	4. Castiel's personal Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Micheal. Micheal… I stopped on my tracks. Suddenly an invisible force crushed my lungs and I could barely breathe. The cold sweat ran down my forehead and hands. A chill that shook my entire body leaving goosebumps in it’s awakening. I can’t do this. He is right, I am useless. I am fucking rotten. I am damaged. Tainted. Disgusting. Micheal is always right. You better know that Castiel Novak. For your own fucking good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I kept this chapter short!  
> WARNING!  
> This chapter consists of themes of physical and mental abuse, Sexual trauma and toxic relationships.  
> Some of the interactions in this chapter may be upsetting for some readers. Please exercise discretion when reading into this chapter and seek other people's support if you need it.

_Micheal. Micheal…_ I stopped on my tracks. Suddenly an invisible force crushed my lungs and I could barely breathe. The cold sweat ran down my forehead and hands. A chill that shook my entire body leaving goosebumps in it’s awakening. _I can’t do this. He is right, I am useless. I am fucking rotten. I am damaged. Tainted. Disgusting. Micheal is always right. You better know that Castiel Novak. For your own fucking good._ I cast my eyes to the ground and stood still. I squeezed my eyes shut. I felt my body sway towards the direction I was being pulled towards. My ears rang loudly over the sounds surrounding me in the parking lot. I covered my face and tried to shake off the powerful raw feelings from a year ago.

Flashback-

_“But Micheal, Please hear me out.” I gasped lightly as the tears slipped down my cheeks. My body, shaking. He stepped forward towering over me and I flinched. His usually chocolate colored eyes were as black as coal. There was no trace of the everlasting love he once upon the stars had for me. He raised his hand in the air. His hand shaking above me. I shrunk and raised my hands to cover my face._

_“Stop fucking whining so much,Castiel. Grow up. God. You are ruining my life. I don’t know why you are crying?” Michael shoved me to the corner of the high school commons. He grasped my arms. I could feel that these were going to be added to the collection of purple and green on my body._

_“Stop fucking crying. People will see. You are embarrassing as it is. Just fucking stop.” He growled under his breath. I whimpered and blinked back tears. The bell rang and a crowd of students emerged. He shoved me and he merged into the crowd leaving me behind. I stood there blankly wondering what I ever did to deserve Micheal’s wrath. I should just walk away from him but I can't. I love him. Micheal was the only person who could love me. I mean after all he said it himself, no one would want someone with the amount of issues I got. Right? That feeling never goes away no matter how long it’s been. Am I really stuck like this?_

Present-

“Castiel?” a voice echoed in my head. _Please stop being mean to me._

“Hey, hey Castiel! Buddy talk to me.” I opened my eyes and I was greeted with dark velvety emerald eyes that expressed concern. In a fraction of a second his eyes changed to a sun kissed light green. Dean. His lips moved and I just continued to stare at his eyes. His lips stopped moving and a frown emerged.

“Castiel? Did you even hear anything I just said to you?” I just blinked and stood straight. The heat rushed back to my face when I realized that I panicked in front of someone I just met today. _Also because I literally just stared at him. How embarrassing._ I turned my head to the right and felt the cold metal door of the car I was leaning against. Dean’s feet shift towards his left and he seem to be looking at something. _(Someone)_

“Well, whoever scared you solid is gone. Do you want me to drive?” He asked as he stretched his hand. I reached in my pocket and gave him my car keys without a word. We walked towards my car and I waited for him to unlock the car. I got myself settled and I just stared out the window blankly. I don’t feel like talking right now or well maybe for a few days…

The whole way ride was a one-sided conversation. I half listened to Dean but I was in a different universe at the moment. The only thing I was right now is to be in bed under my covers. I need to sleep. Dean slowed down to a sweet neighborhood. It was quiet. He halted in front of a nice old house. He parked the car and turned towards me. His eyebrow rose when I finally made eye contact with him.

“Casti- I uhh have to go.” I interrupted him. He closed his mouth and took out a blue pen and wrote on a piece of notebook paper. He later folded it and put it in the cup holder. He opened the door and got out. He walked up to his front door and just lingered there. I unbuckled myself and opened the Passenger door. I accidentally slammed it shut which caused Dean to look over. I I walked to the driver seat and settled myself in. He was still waiting in front of his door. I flushed and pressed on the gas. I ran a couple of stop signs. _I am dying to get to my room._ I passed a few towns until I realized I had no idea where I was going. I stopped the car and connected it to the gps. I was only 15 minutes away from home. _Okie I will get home in 15. No big deal._

Home-

I drove up the empty driveway and turned off the car. No surprise no one is home. I checked the mailbox, Nothing. Dragging my legs up to the back door. I could hear the whimpers coming from inside. _My doggie, Sugar. The love of my life. My poochie bear! She is such a drama queen._ I finally pushed the door open and out she came jumping in excitement. _Man can she jump._ She is a tiny little lady and yet she can still reach my chest. She did her famous puppy eyes. . I kneeled and caressed her face then her belly. I stood up by the door as she ran to use the bathroom in the backyard quickly. I whistled her inside and she ran as fast as her chubby body would let her..

“Come on, Sugar! Hurry!” She came in and wagged her tail. Her big eyes staring at me with one message intend to be understood. _“Feed me, stupid”_ I washed her doggy bowls and gave her fresh food and water. I headed up the stairs to my room. No one is going to be home today until 8pm. _Alfie has soccer practice and Hannah was working. And well our sperm donor is out “working” and my mother was working her ass off. I honestly felt like shit. I just wanted to be in my room._ I opened my door and I could hear Sugar’s little paws coming up the stairs. _Well damn either I took forever to get up the stairs or she eats fast._ I waited by the door entrance and she rushed past me. She hopped onto the bed and laid down staring at me with eyes that expressed “Hurry up let’s nap!” I closed my door and connected my phone to the Bluetooth. I pressed shuffle and let Arctic Monkeys set the tone for my nap. I slipped off my shoes, coat and jeans. I climbed into bed and let myself drift.

Dream( _more like nightmares_ )-

_Tears flooding. I stared at my hands as the blood dripped off my them. A force knock me down to the floor and a hand pushed my face against the cold wood floor. I cried in pain. The hand covered my mouth. The loud music from the other room blurring out my whimpers._

_“Shut up, Castiel” he groaned as he continued. My mouth flooded with blood and I squeezed my eyes tight. I dug my nails into the hardwood. My cheek wet from the mixture of blood and tears. “Stop please” I begged but the response to my pleads were slaps and insults. I don’t want this. But he loves me right? This was how he told me love is like. This is what I deserve. He said so._

8:30pm-

I woke up in darkness. I reached up to rub my eyes but my fingers met with wet trails on my face. _Ugh not again. Great._ I got up and headed to the bathroom. As I walked to the bathroom I realized no one was home yet. _Love that._ I reached for the light and had a glimpse of myself in the mirror. _Well, it looks like I haven't slept in days._ I traced the dark circles under my eyes. I sighed and decided to shower. I stepped into the shower and let the hot water run down my shoulders _. I feel really bad. Poor Dean. He probably thinks I am a mess._ _Well I lowkey am._ I must have stood in the shower too long because the water was turning cold. I washed myself and hopped out of the shower. As I went to my room I bumped into Alfie.

“Hello, Kiddo” I offered a smile. Alfie looked up from his phone and smiled brightly.

“Cass! I didn’t know you were home! I just came from practice. I am going to make sandwiches. Want one?” he asked as he walked towards the staircase.

“Yeah, sure! Good Idea” I replied and I walked into my room. I quickly changed into my Pjs. I threw the towel over my head and dried my hair. I tried to fix my hair but I realized it was just me and my brother. So no point in fixing my hair right? I walked down the hall and went down the stairs. I questioned why Sugar wasn’t next to me as usual.

“Hi Cass, I invited one of my new coaches over!” Alfie called out. I walked into the kitchen to see Dean Winchester. _Dean Winchester!!!_


	5. Dean's Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will be different compare to the other. We will be seeing Castiel through Dean's eyes.  
> These will be his raw thoughts and feelings. Although he is unsure why he feels so compelled to Castiel he tries hard to respect Castiel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been an year or more since I posted a chapter. I will have to apologize for the wait. I was going through a year of recovery. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter as much as i enjoyed writing it. I will be updating weekly. :) I hope all of you are okay after such a harsh year. And may you guys keep being safe.

-Dean-

There he stood. His raven black hair in a holy mess. His brows furrowed in confusion. _I would call myself Lucky for being Alfie’s coach but extremely lucky to be Castiel’s little brother’s coach! This has to be good luck._ I smiled and waved. Castiel stood by the door entrance of the kitchen looking mildly upset. Although he didn’t seem to want to see me I thought he looked adorable in his pjs. They had a small white puppy embroidered on the top right of the navy blue sweater and his bottoms were just plain navy blue, _A white puppy?_ As I was about to say hello when this white fluff ball came running to me. _Ah it’s the dog on his pjs._ I suppressed the laughter trying to come out my mouth. I bent down and ruffled the dog’s ears. Her collar was pink and the tag said **_Sugar._**  
“Hi..” Castiel spoke weakly and squirmed in the corner. I rose and tried to say hi back but he turned around to get some plates. _Three plates. He is eating with us! Yes!._ I sat down hoping I would get to talk to Castiel but he didn’t seem to want to socialize. I decided that I didn’t want to push my luck. He sat down across the table from me. The entire dinner was just Alfie talking to me. No matter how many times I tried to start a conversation with Castiel so he would not be left out he responded with silence. I observed the way he twirled his fork on the plate. He barely was eating anything. He looked so fragile and pale. _Was he sick? Should I ask? No that’s rude.._ Every small instance I try to make eye contact with him. He would quickly look down. _He was avoiding me. I am definitely making him uncomfortable. I am going to admit that stings like a bitch… My intention was never to make him uncomfortable in his own house….._ I just ate my dinner and decided best to go home. I got up from the table and made my way to the sink to place my plate in there. I bumped into Castiel by the kitchen counter and he mumbled something I could not catch so I just replied with a sorry. I looked at his plate. It remained that same amount just pushed to the corners. I frowned. I don’t think he even ate anything. I walked towards Alfie and signaled him I was on my way out. I turned to say bye to Castiel but he was already gone. I felt my smile disintegrate on the spot. _Man he must really hate my guts to disappear like that._ I stared at the stairs thinking that had to be the way he had gone but someone suddenly came into the view.  
“ I’ll see you tomorrow coach?” Alfie smiled. I smiled and nodded. I made my way to my car and had a quick impulse.  
“ Hey Alfie?,” he turned around and looked at me.  
“ Tell Castiel I say bye.” He gave me a thumbs up. I went into my car and started my baby. The sound the engine first made when it got started was a refreshing feeling of comfort for me. I decided to pick up my phone and called Gabriel. _After a few rings I thought maybe calling him was a bad idea_.  
“Dominos pizza! What are you ordering, hot stuff?” Gabe answered as an overpowering blast of Bohemian Rhapsody hit the phone. I pulled the phone away from my ear and winced. _This man is either with his sisters or is having sex._  
“ Hey Gabe! Can I pass by to see you real quick?” I asked as I pressed on the gas. _Even if the answer was no I am still gonna pop up anyways. These questions are kinda important to me right now._  
“Yeah sure, you okay?”His voice quickly dissolved into concern. He quickly turned down the music. I was a good three blocks from his place.  
“Yeah, I am a good 5 minutes away from your place.” I told him as I hung up. _I didn’t know how to exactly format these questions I have of Castiel. I am just curious.. I mean I just want to get to know him._ I slowly pulled up to Gabe’s place and waited for him. _Maybe this is a bad idea. Gabe is definitely going to blow this out of proportion and make Castiel uncomfortable…. I don’t want to lose my opportunity with him. I should Google this._ As I was going to pull out my phone the car door creaked open. The welcoming fresh air of the night entered along with Gabe. I felt my nerves tense up my shoulders and back. _Oh shit. Yeah nope I am not going to ask anymore…._  
“What’s going on Dean?” He asked. He definitely knew this was not the time for jokes. _Now how should I ask about Cas-_  
“Is this about Castiel?...” he stared at me as I looked away at my car’s black sleek hood. I straightened my back and looked at him. _Do it now!_  
“Well… yeah, I just want to get to know him...” I felt like it was more of a question than a set statement. He nodded. The way his eyebrows fused together and the way his face looked made it seem like something even Gabriel was uncomfortable touching.  
“I mean I don’t want to intrude. I just think he could use a friend.” I finished. I tightened my hands on my wheel. _This is definitely awkward…_  
“Listen Dean, Castiel has gone through a lot of bad shit and is taking time to heal. His healing process is not linear. Well no one’s healing process is linear. What I am trying to say is that he is in a vulnerable state in his life where he needs time to figure out who he is. He is a wonderful, and caring person. If you are going to be his friend give him some time to get used to the idea. He is a bit antisocial not because he is a dick but because his trust was broken. And he is trying to be okay. I can’t say much because it’s a very private and personal matter. Maybe when Cass will opens up to you ask him” He offered a forced smile. _Although Gabirel was wearing hot pink sweats and a shirt that said Juicy the way he was postured meant business. I have always thought of Gabriel as a goofball but this definitely brought a new side of him. Gabriel cared for Castiel. Deeply. I respected that._  
“ I see…. Thank you. It makes it a clear picture.” I answered. He sighed in relief.  
“ Thanks Dean-o! It actually means a lot to me!” He gestured towards the car door as his signal to get out. And just like that Gabe was himself again. I laughed and waved. Gabriel walked inside. But I decided to go for a late night drive. I wanted company though. The thought of driving around with Castiel in his cute pjs immediately popped into my head and I chuckled a bit. _Maybe, out of respect next time. I need to be patient with him._ I drove to this small little ledge where you can see the city view from afar. I needed this. I got out of my car and I sat on my hood. _What happened to you Castiel? Who did this to you? Why did you seem so frightened today in the parking lot? I had so many questions with no answers. It hit me. Why do I care so much about Castiel? I just met the guy yet I feel so intrigued by him. This wasn’t just me being curious this was a different feeling. Like I wanted to be there for him. I feel connected to him in some way but I was unsure of…._  
I might have dozed off too much because I felt my phone vibrate. I quickly glanced at the screen. _Sammy._  
“Hey Sammy!” I answered. I heard him complain about me calling him Sammy again when he was already in high school. I rolled my eyes in response. _He will always be Sammy._  
“Dude come on, get your ass back home. I am hungry!” He whined. I laughed and agreed to bring pizza home. As I hung up I looked out one last time and made a promise to bring Castiel here one day. I popped right back in my car and drove down to the town’s pizzeria. I walked in and announced the order I was picking up and stopped right in the doorway. _This was the guy that stopped Castiel cold in his tracks in the parking lot. I think it was. Man I still can’t get over the way Castiel’s eyes widen in fear and his face lost its color…._ I felt the heat of coiling rage flowing through me. _It had to be this guy because he was the only one in the parking lot besides us. I knew I was glaring once I saw him look and run to the back. That’s right son of a bitch run._  
“ Hi Dean? Are you going to pick this up or what?” Jo asked, rolling her eyes. I relaxed a bit and nodded.  
“ It’s going to be $13.50” she extended her hand. I dropped a Twenty and walked away. I walked towards my car and went to turn it on when I heard someone tapping on my window. It was this guy again. I lowered my window and looked straight ahead.  
“Um you forgot your Chan-“ before he could finish I pressed on the gas hard and I left a trail of smoke behind me. I chuckled and kept driving towards my place. Once I parked the car in the driveway I heard Sam telling me to hurry my ass up. I get in and see that he's been waiting at the table. I grimaced a little and set down the pizza on the table. Sam most of the time was quiet due to him studying for an exam. I had no issue with the silence because it gave me more time to think about Castiel. _So how should I begin to be a friend? Tomorrow should I sit with him during our break? Should I first ask if I can hang out with him? I should make him some hot chocolate I learned from mom. What type does he like? Maybe lunch tomorrow at the mall close by? I am going to invite him._ I didn’t even notice I was sitting alone until Sam turned off the lights. _This little shit did not just do that!_  
“ Son of a b- what! I called you twice!” He interrupted and walked up the stairs. I heard him walk to his room and close the door. I just blinked and walked towards the stairs. I definitely need to get in bed. I felt my body demand to lay down on the bed already by the end of the stairs. I did a quick smell check. _Fuck I should shower…._ I dragged myself to the bathroom and turned on the shower. I closed the door and let the water run for a bit. I thought of today's events and I decided to take Castiel tomorrow for lunch at the Library. It’s quiet and it’s private. As I thought about how to propose the idea to him tomorrow I peeled off my clothes and stepped into the shower. _Yeah the library it is._


	6. Sweet Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “ Hello?” I nervously whispered. My hands were shaking. And there it was a cheesy smile I could not hide.   
> “ Hi! I was wondering if you wanted to keep me company since you can’t sleep?” he asked. I can hear him typing on the keyboard. I literally kicked my feet in the air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the weekly update :)  
> I have personal connection to this chapter. I hope you guys enjoy!  
> Please stay safe!   
> Chapter 7 might be released earlier due to being stuck home during a snow storm :)

-Castiel -

I dislocated again. I had a beautiful man eating dinner with me, well Alfie and me and I decided to be unresponsive. I can feel the way his eyes everytime I moved my potato one side the other. Everytime I felt a question being directed to me I simply would just nod. _Not only did this guy have to deal with my total dislocation in life but he had to see my pjs! Why did I have to wear my customized pjs of Sugar when he came over today? Really Castiel? I just know Dean feels unwelcomed by me. Ughhh I suck..._ Once dinner was over, I rushed to put my plate by the counter and on my way of doing so I bumped into him. To add to the total disaster I mumbled you scared me there partner! _Partner! Really partner out of all the things I said I say that._ The moment I saw that man turn to Alfie I ran so fast up the stairs with Sugar in my arms. _I could not afford to have Sugar run outside and have to chase her in front of Dean. That would literally be so humiliating!_ I reached my bedroom door and shut it quietly. I leaned in closely to waiting to hear the front door open. The wood creaked under unfamiliar footsteps. Not far behind was Alfie. I stood there in silence with Sugar still in my arms. She started to wince and I slowly put her down. She scrambled across the floor to her bed.

“ I’ll see you tomorrow coach?” Alfied said. _He always sounds so cheerful. I think he is the only one who is cheerful in this family._ My thought was interrupted by the curiosity I had of Dean. I could not quite catch what Dean said so I chose to quickly look out at the window. My window was slightly opened to let in the cool breeze.

“ Hey Alfie?,” Dean turned slightly and looked at the doorway. The way his leather jacket hung a little over the waistline of his dark jeans made it hard to focus on what he was about to say. I could not help but reminisce on how wonderful he smelled when he first walked into the kitchen. _He smells like someone I want to hug especially when I am feeling depressed. Then I realized I was no Prince Charming during dinner I cringed realizing the possibility of him saying I was rude._ I winced squeezing my eyes shut but waiting to hear what he had to say.

“ Tell Castiel I say bye.” The way my name rolled off his lips instantly made the blood flow to my ears and across my cheeks.. _Wait did I just blush?! Hold on I still have feelings after all this time?! Wait No I can’t just… I shook my head. I will not think anything of it. He is just being nice to me. I mean look at yourself Castiel. No one will want to be with you after they find out how damaged you_ are. Hearing these thoughts again after a while of radio silence made me laugh bitterly. They will always echo in my head no matter what. I sighed and sat down on my bed. I decided how bad can it be tuning into the radio of disaster.

_-Today in class.-_

_“ I think Micheal and Ana are the perfect power couple. I mean poor guy! I heard he was being harassed by a creepy ass guy!” a girl snickered in front of me. The other girl covered her mouth and looked straight at me._

_“I heard that the guy traumatized Micheal! I mean how can someone be so awful.” her eyes shone with this mischievous glim. I sat there and stared straight at the board. What was I suppose to say? No one believed me and no one will believe me. I sometimes feel I got to this core of hatred that it gets me so tired and I become numb._

_Micheal is happy. He is doing better than you. He is better than you….._

I lost myself in my own thoughts again. I need to do something before I fall apart again. I don’t want to fail again the same way I did in high school. This is college. I told myself the entire summer that this is a new beginning. I forced myself to get up and walked to the bathroom. I splashed some cold water on my face. I looked back at my reflection. It’s almost as if I was looking at someone else. I sighed and made my way to my room. I silently closed the door and reached my bed. _I deadass feel like shit. I don’t want to do shit but I promised myself not to fail._ I grabbed my bag and pulled out my laptop. I checked stared at the screen blankly until it powered on. _Please don’t be alot of homework…._ I logged in and just saw discussion questions. I quickly typed them in and submitted them. I closed my laptop and turned to hug Sugar.

After an hour of tossing and turning trying to fall asleep was unsuccessful. I grabbed my phone and looked through Insta. After two minutes of scrolling I got bored and thought about texting Gabriel but I remember he was going to be with Kali. I sighed… _I am stuck thinking again. I don’t want to think right now. It always starts like this. Who should I text? I have no one but that idiot of Gabriel. He just had to go and fall in love and leave me. Man…._ Suddenly I remembered Dean had written something down in a paper and put it in my cup holder in my car. I debated whether to go downstairs or just stay in my room and get it tomorrow. _No! I want to see what he wrote._ I paced across my room over and over again. I could hear Hannah talking to our sperm donor over my loud heartbeats. _I didn’t want to deal with him. I am going to stay in my room until they go to their rooms. I mean how can Hannah stand such a man. No clue. But after all that woman was literally a saint._ I sat in my room and picked up my phone and looked at the time three times. 11:10. 11:13. 11:15. I started to bite my lower lip trying to calm down.

By 11:20 it was dead silent downstairs. I put my shoes on and walked over to my door. I pressed my ear against my door. Total silence. _Nice!_ I opened the door and peeked at the dark hallway. _Run for it._ I sprinted down the stairs, grabbing my keys and out through the front door. I quickly unlocked my car door and reached inside for the note. I crumbled it in my hand when I heard my name. I froze and slowly looked up. I sighed in relief when I saw my sister, Hannah. She was taking a small smoke break as usual.

“ What are doing Cass?” She walked over. I lightly closed my car door and locked the car.

“ Nothing looking for an assignment. I thought I left here,” I frowned. She nodded and walked back inside. I ran back inside and made my way to my room. My relationship with Hannah was simple. We used to talk a lot and hang out alot but then she got busy with school and work that there was barely any time for us. I can still see she cares for me and we try to talk but usually she is too tired from her shifts at the hospital. I do sometimes miss her.

Once I got into bed I opened the note in my hand. I slowly traced over _Dean Winchester_ along with his phone number. I couldn't help but smile just a little but it was followed with embarrassment. _I literally kicked him out of the car. Oh my god._ I entered the number several times but decided against calling him. I put his phone number next in my nightstand drawer. _I should at least apologize for being a dick today. “Hi, I am sorry I was a dick today.” Oh my god no. Okie fuck it I am just going to text hey._ I typed out hey and pressed the little arrow to send.

-“Hi? Who is this?” _oh my god he texted back!_

-“ It’s Castiel. Is this Dean?”

-“ Hi! Yeah it’s me. :)” _He still uses smiley faces! How cute!_

-“ What are you up to?” “ Nothing really, Just doing my last assignment. You?”

-“ I can’t really sleep lol” Five minutes past and no response. _Wow I guess…_ I laid down on my side and my phone started to vibrate. I looked at my phone and sat my ass right up. HE IS CALLING ME! What the hell am I suppose to do! I took a deep breath and picked up.

“ Hello?” I nervously whispered. My hands were shaking. And there it was a cheesy smile I could not hide.

“ Hi! I was wondering if you wanted to keep me company since you can’t sleep?” he asked. I can hear him typing on the keyboard. I literally kicked my feet in the air.

“ Yeah! Sure! What are you working on?” I caught my breath and relaxed. He went on and on about his english paper that was due tomorrow. I laid down comfortably while listening to him. I sighed and closed my eyes. Slowly but surely this was the calmest I have felt in two years.

_That was the first night in such a long time I didn’t feel so alone..._


End file.
